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Corruption: Bourbon river bank

16/06/10 || Khlysty

After carefully perusing my reviews for GD, I discovered that they seriously lacked in one important sector: penis jokes/references. Yep, there are almost none of those in my reviews, which really troubles me. I mean, is it because there’s a latent homophobia/homosexuality in me that doesn’t permit me to say, e.g., that my dick swung this way and that when listening to “XYZ” band? Is there a fear of castration that won’t allow me to posit that my penis would viciously penetrate the poofters of “ZYX” powergay metal bunch? I really don’t know, and Freudian self-examinations aside, I decided that I really had to remedy things A.S.A.P.

Thankfully, Corruption is the perfect vehicle for such an endeavor. See, these Poles, who’ve been around in one form or another since the early ‘90s is a band that virtually reeks gayness, even though they really try much too hard to come off as tough-guy rockers of the stoner-doom-whatever kind. Even if someone ignores the band’s ludicrous cowboy/heavy leather appearance (check their GaySpace for more), their music is so, so… impotently ball-less that my dick just crawls inside, even at the thought of it, and needs to be negotiated with, even for a simple piss…

I really cannot understand why there are bands out there that, instead of doing the right thing and playing music that’s at least not offensive, take the worst aspects of certain musical subgenres and combine them to create something so hideously boring and uninspired/uninspiring. See, “Bourbon River Bank” is basically hard rock with modern production: no matter how much the band wants us to believe that this is “stoner”, you just need to listen to a couple of songs to make even such a though perish from your mind. This has almost no bottom end, no heft, no bulldoze-ya-to-the-ground presence, sounding more like a dickless Pepper-and-God-era COC.

Which brings me to another problem that really enrages my dick, making him want to spurt hot acid on the faces of all sinners: it’s quite incomprehensible to me that a band would like to emulate the sound of other bands, while knowing fucking well that said sound got those bands as much flak as an English bomber squadron would get while flying over Germany, circa 1943. I mean, it’s already problematic for a band to want to play hard biker rock in 2010 (I cannot think of any band, except Hermano and Unida, being able to pull this shit off in a convincing way), does it have to “embellish” it with them “warm southern sound” of yore? Does it have to sound so trailer-park, shit-kicker lame? Jeeeeeeeezus Che-rist on a seatless bike!

The record lasts almost 51 minutes, which is, in my opinion, at least 30 minutes longer than it should. It’s well-produced in a radio-friendly way, but contains zero-interest music. Corruption sites as influence bands like Kyuss, Queens Of The Stone Age, Cathedral, Entombed, Orange Goblin, Monster Magnet, Goatsnake, Mustasch, Motörhead, Corrosion Of Conformity: obviously they didn’t pay enough attention when listening to their heroes, or else they would have created something more substantial than this hookless mess…

4,5

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Mystic Production
Website: Corruption MySpace
Band
Rufus: vocals, harp
Aniol: bass, vocals
Opath: guitar
Erol: guitar
Melon: drums

Tracklist
01. Beelzeboss
02. Hell, yeah!
03. Magus
04. Candy Lee
05. Devileiro
06. Engines
07. Worlds collide
08. Another
09. Addicts, lovers and bullshitters
10. One point losers
11. Pillow man
12. Morning star whiskey bar
13. Bourbon river bank

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